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Thursday, August 26th, 2004
3:47 am - "Designs"
Carve your pain into your skin,
Then everyone will know the sorrow you hold within.
And maybe then they will know what they've done to you.
The pain they have caused, you can no longer subdue.
So you write your torment on your wrists.
You keep on cutting, but the agony they cause you always persists.
Scars encase your arm,
But still, they think there is no need for alarm.
However, you will show them this time.
And your departure will be so sublime.
This is it! You cry aloud.
You told yourself this would happen, the first day they had hurt you, this is what you vowed.
They'll see your dream with you, on the end of a rope.
But you know they won't care, that they'll be able to cope.

Don't ask.......

current mood: pessimistic

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Wednesday, August 4th, 2004
12:38 pm - 2 Anyone who cares...
~yawns~ I'll be back at the hospital today, Trey's actually awake and moving around. He's going to be in ICU for another 2 days, he still has a lot of fluid-bacteria in his incision. The cut is lyke almost 5 inches long. I haven't gotten a good look yet, but I don't think he has a bellybutton anymore, but oh well. He's going to be a freak ~lol~ Let someone say something about it when he gets older, I'll come back here from wherever I am to kick someone's ass ~l~ Alright, not quite, but I'll get pissed and tell him they're just jealous that he's strange....Alright, well, I'm back off, I won't be there until 11 lyke I was last nyte.....

current mood: drained

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12:00 am - 18 Cups of Hot Chocolate Since my Last Post...
Well, I'm *finally* back from the hospital. Turns out, Trey had a hernia(?) & had to have it removed. Just turned 8 months old a few days ago & already had to have surgery. I know it lasted at least 3 1/2 hours & me, Vernoda, DJ, & Mom were all freaking that it was taking so long. Around 5ish, we got to see him and OMG, I thought I was going to cry! He had all these tubes, iv's & shit hooked up, one going through his nose & into his bladder, I think, or was it stomach? I can't really remember now...Anyways, he was only supposed to be there for lyke 4 days, now it's 2 weeks. He won't be leaving ICU until at least Thursday or Friday. While we were waiting, I had like 18 cups of hot chocolate...I'm too tired to posy anything else, nyte....

current mood: sleepy

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Tuesday, August 3rd, 2004
11:02 am - *sighs*
I have less than one week before band camp starts, how sucky is that? My baby(Trey), which is not really my baby, but my 8 month old nephew had to be taken to the hospital this morning, so I'm fretting over that ~lol~ I was woken up to my dad saying he had to take DJ (older brother) and Trey to the hospital so I was lyke ok, whatever...Then it hit me. I think everything's ok, other than that, someone would call, right? A friend of Sam's decided she was going to lay Sam out for all the bullshit over her, Shannen & James. Not sure if she's seen it yet & don't know how she'll react :S......Oh, here's something I found & I lyke 2 fill things out ~lol~ so here ya go!
The Basics:
1.First Name: Sarah
2.Middle Name(s): Classified
3.Last Name: Campbell
4.Nicknames: Pixie, Sarahberry, Hell's Angel, Mixie, Veggiebean...
5.City: Bassett
7.Guy or Gal: Female
8.Zodiac Sign: Taurus
9.Siblings and their ages: OLder half brother & younger step brother
10.Pet(s): Chinchilla(Taipei), Hannah(rabbit), Fred(frog)Uni Taika(Gecko)
11.Hair Color: Blonde
12.Height: 5'2-5'2 1/2
13.What hand do you write with: right
14.Hair Length: a little passed my shoulders
15.Do you bite your nails?: a sign of my nervousness.....or boredom
16.Do you stare?: Not really
17.Do others think you're cute?: Yes, everyone says so...Well, not everyone, but you get the idea
18.Shoe Size: 10 1/2 mens 11-12 womens
Relationships:
19.Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Boyfriend
21.Who do you like: my friends :)
Fashion Stuff:
22.Where do you shop the most?: Hot Topic, Goody's, Claire's.....
23.Do you think your fashion is cool?: Sure, why not?
24.Do you have any piercings?: yes: 3 in one ear & 2 in the other
25. If not, what do you want pierced?: naval, 3 more sets in my ears
26.Do you have a tattoo?: No, but I plan on getting 2 or 3
The Extra Stuff:
27.Do you do drugs?: Quitting
28.Do you drink?: Sometimes
29.What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use?: Um, varies
30.What sport(s) do you play: Marching band/in the colorguard
31.What are you most scared of?: spiders!!!!
32.If you could go anywhere, where would it be: Roswell, I would love to see the crash site & stuff!
33.Where is the coolest place you've ever gone? Outer Banks, N.C.
34.What are you listening to right now?: Me & my Skate by KMK
35.What time is it?: 11:19am
36.Do you have your own phone line?: yea
37.What's the last four digits of your phone number?: the people who need to know it do
38.What is in your purse right now?: ~lol~ Um, no comment!
39.What shoes do you wear?: black boots to make me taller!!
40.What clothes do you sleep in?: Heh...depends on where I am/who I'm with....
41.What kind of car do you have?: ~lol~ Not sure, just got it a few days ago...
42.Where do you want to get married?: Undecided
45.If you could change anything about yourself?: my self-image, I think I'm fat.....and I like to tease guys & it's gotten me into trouble ~innocent smile~
46.Who do you really hate?: Dumbasses, pricks, seeing friends unhappy
47.What are the ugliest names?: Bob
Favourites:
48.Color: Pink/black
49.Number: 21
50.Song: Have too many favorites
51.Movie: mostly anything scary...love the Freddie series
52.Candy: Ever since my chocolate drama....chocolate ~grins~
54.TV show: Futurama, Family Guy, Inuyasha, Case Closed, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Invader Zim
55.Food: ~lol~ Um.....fries
56.Fast food restauraunt: Sonic
57.Nail polish color: Black with pink glitter or opposite
59.Subject in school: French, hate the teacher, love the langauage
60.Drink: Water, Milk, or Orange Juice
61.Scent: depends on the season
62.Season: Winter or Summer
63.Teacher: None
64. Card Game: Yu Gi Oh, Slapback, Bullshit....

Have You Ever:
65.Smoked: Yea, still do *is trying to quit*
66.Drank?: Yea
67.Got drunk?: Oooh yea
68: Bungee Jumped?: No, but I want to
69.Went movie hopping?: ~l~ Yea
70.Broke the law?: No
71.Ran from the cops?: Not that I can remember
72.Tried to kill yourself?: What kind of fucked up question is that?
73.Made yourself throw up?: quite a few times
74.Gone skinny dipping?: ~snickers~
75.Been In Love?: yea
76.Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: ~lmao~ of course!!! I'm spoiled

Word Association!
77.Red: Blood
78.Cow: *cluck* inside joke...
79.Pig: nasty
80.Rubber: condom
Which is Worse:
81.Barfing on your date or date barfing on you?: Ewwww, wouldn't stick around to find out
82.Having your apendix out or tonsils: hmmm, apendix...
Your Friends:
83.Coolest: Elyse
84.Weirdest: Sam
85.Funniest: Oh God, all of them!
86.Smartest: Hmmm, not sure...
87.Happiest: Brittan
88.Meanest: Heh....
89.Sweetest: Sweet? You talking about my friends? Not likely :)
90.Loudest: ~sighs~ the sea of darkness
91.Quietest: We talk too much
92.Cutest: Can't say
93.Who do you go to for advice: Sam or Elyse or Brittan
94.Who knows all your secrets?: if you ask, I'll prolly tell
When you hear this name, you think of..
95.Steve: Jackass!
96.Jeremy: Massey
97.Missy: Elliot?
98. Dave: guy friend of Brittany M.'s
100. Matt: Sam's new....friend
101.Roxanne: whorebag
Have You Ever..
102.Eaten an entire pack of KD: No
103.Caused a car accident?: Not yet, but I'm going to start driving soon
104.Seen the ocean: yea
This or That:
105.Night or Day: Night
106.Chocolate Chip or Mint Chip: Chocolate Chip
107.Ocean or lake: Neither, give me a nice, filtered pool where I can see everything
108.Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
109.Lion or Tiger: Tiger
110.Love or lust: Love? lust? Can't be sure, better do him again!
111.Gold or silver: White gold
112.Pencil or Pen: Gel pens!
113.Skirt or jeans: black bondage pants
114.Rose or tulip: I like pink carnations
In the Past 48 Hours, Have You:
115.Cried: Nope
16.Bought Something: Nope
117.Worn a skirt: Nope
118.Gone for a walk: Yeah.
119 Gone for a drive: Nope
120.Gone out for dinner: Papa's Pizza
121.Taken a test: yes
122.Talked to an ex: yes
123. Missed an ex: Oh yeaaaaaaa

current mood: bouncy

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Monday, August 2nd, 2004
4:32 pm - Um, None, too sleepy to care....
~yawns~ I've decided to update my journal at least everyday. So this is my post for the day. I have recently figured out why comments haven't been showing up until you click the button to see them, but I can't explain it. It's really gay, actually. Oh, and btw e, you know, you should try somethign else besides mexicans, doesn't seem lyke they're working out for ya ~lol~ so has mr. jose lopez lopez called you back yet....anywhoo, the sam-james-shanen triangle thing is basically done, she decided to forgive shannen....not much more than that....

current mood: sleepy

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Sunday, August 1st, 2004
9:03 pm - Total Hell 4 People
This is lyke the 3rd time I've updated 2day, but that's all kool! people get a kick out of my journal entries, so yea! We have updated news on the Sammie-James sitiation, and now we've added a new person, the infamous Shannen. God, do i sound lyke a tv reporter or what? Anywhoo, they called around 5:30 @ her house looking for us because we didn't answer my phone. Well, Shannen thought I was Sam (how did she get that? our voices are different, don'tcha think?" Well, she was lyke "we're going to settle this" & i was lyke settle what? James told her that I wasn't Sam, blah blah blah. I can't put all what went on, it wouldn't be good to see. Besides, you need *some* mystery. Oh, btw James, what you said about Sam offending me, she didn't, I was there when she posted the message.

"before you go & commit a homicide, do us all a favor, you should suicide." Nyte!!!

current mood: amused

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2:59 pm - For some reason...
For some damn evil ass reaon, comments on my journal isn't showing up, wtf? In any case, even if the comments don't show up on the page, they still show up when you go to fill them out/read it.

current mood: amused

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2:28 pm - So far....
Well, Sam stayed with me last nyte & while we were out shopping, she decided to confide in me she still lyked James, which I already knew she still did, & I thought he did to. After readign down some more, you'll see what all happend with that scenario. After shopping, (which we bought earrings, necklaces, bracelets, & this bat I JUST had to have) we went to FYI and was looking around. After months of looking, I finally found "Comalies" by Lacuna Coil. We left there & went to Walmart, and we fell lyke twice in floor because it was so slick, even though it was done on purpose. We got stuffed crust pizza and was sitting in my floor watching the clown at midnight and powder. SHe wanted me to call James and get them hooked back up, so I did. They talked, and he got a beep. So she waited for lyke 20 minutes, and then we hung up. I don't know how much later, he called back. They talked and got into it. Turns out, they were together for maybe a little longer than an hour and she breaks up with him again for the 2nd time. She says now she doesn't love him. I know for a fact that when you love someone, no matter for how you've been together or broken up, you still love them. I know from personal experience. Love ya'll muches!!!! ~blows kisses~

current mood: amused

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Friday, July 30th, 2004
10:06 pm - Fill this out!
This was from Sammiebeans journal, hope ya don't mind I kinda took it from ya! :)

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I lovable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what I say about you?

current mood: curious

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1:45 pm - Live Journal
Sorry ppl, my journal will be screwy for the next few days, until I figure out how exactly I want everything to be.

ps- the poem "unborn child" didn't mean anything, it was just a poem. I don't want anyone else asking me about it, that's it.

current mood: awake

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Thursday, July 29th, 2004
9:59 pm - "Unborn Child"
Growing within, a new life unseen,
but there none the less a part of me
Scared to tell him the truth,
What will he say,
How will he look at me,
What will he do,
What will he plan for you
He once said he loved me,
Now I know every word was a lie,
His words were so cruel,
Can't help but cry
You're unwanted, despised
Nothing more than another problem for him
I question the world I was to bring you into
The only thing I have to show
Are the bruises he gave me,
When he found out about you that night
And now your life's been taken from you,
Never saw the sun, the moon, the stars in the sky
And all I do is cry
For the rest of my life,
I'll bare the marks he gave me,
And the hurt he caused when
He took you from me.

current mood: crushed

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9:09 pm - Yet Again, Updates!
I guess I left out some of the *bigger* things when I last updated. I'll start over, starting with the last few days of school. They were pretty fucked up, I felt lyke I was isolated from my friends, which I was. Terry kept me in the corner, but I'm not totally blaming it all on him. Brittney & Sammie finally got over the whole Chris (sorry if you find that post offensive, Sam!)Things between me & Phillip went downhill, we barely even talk now, but I knew that would happen eventually. I passed all of my SOL's, thankfully! LEft BEhind finally has MP3s out, please go check them out & give them feedback! Speaking of bands, me & Sam started one, we're called "Tainted Wings" & our stage names *are* Mixie(me) & Jessi(Sam). We've got some pretty kool lyrics starting up. Don't worry about teaching me an instrument Sam, if I have to, I'll just play around on it & forget what I just played. Even though this is a little late, Sammie & James *were* dating, & were even engaged! I had tried to help Sam plan the wedding, but it all fell through when I got depressed at Sam's & we started drinking. I got really depressed over Terry & we drunk our asses off ~lmao~ James found out & I don't even remember what went down between them, and they broke up. I felt like it was my fault for a long time. I think now they're back on speaking terms. Terry has *maybe* finally quit all of his suicidal shit. The time before last tore me apart, I didn't even want to talk to him. We got into it really bad & shit went downhill. We tried to commit while I was on the phone & I couldn't get him to quit. Thankfully, his mom found him & I don't even know what happened after that. That night, I went into total shock, I was freezing cold & couldn't move. All I could keep thinking about was him, and that was my fault. I couldn't sleep, it was like everything inside of my mind was so jumbled & all I could see was me at his funeral, crying ym heart out because I had caused his death. Sam & James stayed on the phone with me to keep my from seriously hurting myself. It was as if it was Tony & Daniel's funeral all over, I miss them so much & wish they were still here. They always gave me the best advice. Most of all, I miss Tony the most, he was my best guy friend. He was there for me when I needed him, & I just sat down and cried my heart out when I found out they had been in the crash. I wouldn't talk to anyone, I missed them that much. I missed Daniel taking me wherever I needed or just being like an older brother to me. Tony was a year older than me & would always joke with me about my hair colors. I dyed it blue for him, for that was his favorite color. And now I've really depressed myself. I've done a lot of writing lately, just stuff that pops into my head. Onto a lighter note, we've been having guard all this month, & it totally bites! I think I screwed up my knee while I was at dance class Wednesday, it was really swollen. I think it's ok now, or at least I hope it is. I think that's basically all, everything that I forgot.

current mood: artistic

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Wednesday, July 28th, 2004
11:22 am - Updates (Again)
OMFG, it's been forever since my last post. I just haven't been in the mood for entering thoughts & stuff. Well, Toxic Theory is officially gone, now they are LEft BEhind. They've got some mp3's on their site, so if you know them, check it out. If you don't know them, here's the site:

www.lebeband.tk

What else? Guard is about to start again, oh joy for that. We've seen the uniforms, they're kinda cute, they're prolly going to be reaaaaaaallllllllyyyy cold. The members aren't all THAT bad this year, the ones that were bitchy last year quit, thankfully!

I'm going to be in a band starting soon. It's me & Sammie. We're called Tainted Wings as of right now. We've got some our songs ready, just not all the music to them. So watch out for us!

I think that's it. You'd think there would be more, but I'm just not in the mood to type everything.

current mood: cynical

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Saturday, February 14th, 2004
2:38 am - Finally Did it
I finally did it. I was talked into not going back out Phillip and I just told him. And I thought the break up was hard, but this is much harder to deal with. BUt it's for the best, right?

current mood: depressed

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Saturday, January 31st, 2004
1:19 am - My decision
Ok, I've made my decision on what to do with Terry and Phillip. I wouldn't be able to handle Phillip's bullshit, so he's out of the question. Terry is just getting...yea. And Camron decides he wants to jump on my case because Terry was depressed when Cryal called him. I don't know what to do & I've been crying for the past couple of hours because I just don't know, and Phillip is prolly going to go out with someone else. As of right now, I don't love him anymore......

current mood: depressed

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Tuesday, January 20th, 2004
6:41 pm - New Post~~~
Ok, last nyte from around 12:40 to sometime after 9, me and Phillip was talking the entire time. It turns out, half of the stuff I was told wasn't even true. He told me he knew that he made a mistake by breaking up and he wanted to get back with me at the beginning of the year. Here's the reason he didn't: 1) he thought that i hated him & only wanted payback. 2) is that my dad said something to him the night of our 1st footbal game. I didn't realize until about 4 this morning that I still loved him a little bit. But, I also love Terry, but he freaks out so much I don't know what to do. We were just on the phone about an jour ago, & he freaked because he thought I was going to leave him when he went off to college. So here's my deal: i still love Phillip, I guess I never stopped. I could spend more time with Phillip than I could with Terry, especially within the next 3 years. Downside is that my friends really don't like him all that much, and prolly wouldn't talk to me if I go back out him. On Terry's side, he's a somewhat better choice-he's never did anything to make me question his actions. Me & Terry have made very specific plans that I want to go throught, but yet I don't. I want to know where both paths would lead me to. I want both but I can't have that and I don't know which one to choose. Both have equal good and down sides. I'm at a complete loss, I don't know what to do. I can't exactly cheat, but then I semi-want to, but it'll break all trust in myself and how others percieve me. Oh well, I'll just have to wait and see where all of this leads me to.

current mood: sleepy

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Tuesday, January 6th, 2004
8:10 pm - Too much Bullshit....
OK, well, today has been total hell. The night before that wasn't all that great either. Someone who I'm very good friends with tried to commit the night before. To top it all off, that same person tried to commit again while I was trying to talk him/her out of it. I'm not saying because it's a lot of bullshit. And some of my friends showed their trues colors today at lunch, I know I have at least 3 friends that I can depend on. Um, semester is about over, I hope that I make good grades for the next 2 1/2 weeks, and pass all of my S.O.Ls. With any luck, I will this semester. WQinterguard is starting, & me & Devin are captains, but the people that are in it this year just really, really suck. That's all......




MMFCL

current mood: bitchy

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Monday, December 22nd, 2003
4:14 pm - Not sure....
I'm not sure about what I'm feeling now. Sorta depressed and sad, but yet onlooking & cheerful. I guess it's always been a thing with me- my feelings are so complicated, to myself & others ~lol~ I'm trying to be all deep and thoughtful, but it's not working all that well. Winterguard is about to start up, and I'm supposed to be a captain for the novice guard or whatever they want to call it. Sin Cyre, of course, is just a thing me, Jo, Brittan, and E. just messed around with for fun. We weren't ever going to go anywhere, I think. Toxic Theory is back, again, so everyone rejoice and go check out their site that's at the end of this entry. Me & Terry are...well, not quite sure of what we are at this point. I love him & he loves me, it's just that, I don't know, I love him, but I don't think I'm IN love with him. He's been through so much and I don't know whether or not I'm making things any easier. It's a weird thing, our relationship. I'd do anything that I could for him, but we aren't really getting along. Not like arguing, we never argue except for fun, but like we can sit on the phone for hours and have nothing really to say. I guess our personalities are TOO much alike, so it's like, we're bored of each other already.Ok, enough about me & him, it's depressing. Onto to other news, Brittan is trying to figure about what to do about her Zeb-Adam situation. I've already told her my advice, so we're waiting to see how that goes. She's made a certain plan that we're going to see whther or not it'll work. As far as anyone knows, Jo is ok, and she isn't really moving. Her and Michael broke up again, but she's ok with it. E. is the same, her & Brittan are still helping me out with my SGI work, which will be shown whenever we get back to school. That's basically it for now, TTFN!

I love Terry so much!!!!

www.toxictheory.tk

current mood: blank

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Friday, December 12th, 2003
9:21 pm - New Entry!!
OK, I know it's been awhile since my last entry, so now I'll try to update some. Like, last week, me, Terry, Brittney, and David all got into it and was ready for a fight, but thankfully, we resolved it, so now, a week later, we talk more than what we had been. I'm just now starting to do my Christmas shopping ~lol~ Yes, I'm always late for these type of things. I seen Pirates of the Carribean when I stayed with Elyse, and OMG, Johnny Depp is STILL a hottie! I had forgotten how hot he was. But hey, I still love Terry. Um, some of my friends are sick, so now I'm about half sick. We hope that none of us has the flu....if we do, that will really suck so much.

SGI (solo-guard international)is next Thursday. Me, Elyse, and Brittan are doing my SGI to Heaven's a LIe by Lacuna coil. SO far, it's sem-good, we think it'll be ok. We had Open Guard tryouts yesterday, but I didn't even go. SO now, me and Devin will probably be captains on the Novice guard and will spin rifle, do flag, blah blah blah, so that's about the only good thing. I think that sums of everything right now.

current mood: sick

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Wednesday, November 19th, 2003
4:19 pm - JoAnna's home!
Ok, by now, almost the entire student body of BHS knows about JoAnna. I'm not going to post it on here because I don't want her to get any more depressed than what she already is. We were all glad that she's back home! We missed her, and JoAnna, if you read this, we love ya!

current mood: cheerful

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